"Carter, If I ever get the urge to help someone again, I want you to kick me."
later...
"Carter, if Daniel ever gets the urge to help someone again, I want you to shoot him."
-stargate SG1
Carter: "In a word, Sir - Yes."
O´Neill: "In two words - Yes, Sir."
-Stargate SG1
O´Neill: "Daniel, how long ya figure we stay here and scratch our cosmic heads?"
-Stargate SG1
"I hate being old and ill! Don't get old if you can avoid it!"
~Vincent Price
"I love you so much- that is why I sometimes wish to smash you to pieces!!"
-Chrono Cross
"What's that old saying? What's mine is mine, and what's yours is also mine?"
-Rurouni Kenshin, Sanosuke
"Undomesticated Equines could not remove me."
-Teal'c, Stargate
"Stargate command had discovered that there were thousands of alternate realities- in many of them, Daniel Jackson was dead or had never joined the SGC. Too often, those realities were the ones that had been taken by the Goa'uld."
-A stargate Fanfic by Vathara (paraphrased)
Jack: "How did it go?"
Sam: "We kicked their asses, Sir."
Jack: "They had asses ??!"
-Stargate SG1
Officer: "Not much faith in plan ´A´ sir?"
O´Neill: "Since when does plan ´A´ ever work?"
-Stargate SG1
(Jack and Maybourne are trapped on a planet together and Jack is fishing).
Harry: "Catch anything yet?"
Jack: "No."
(Harry pulls out a grenade and throws it in. Dead fish start surfacing).
Jack: "That is wrong on so many levels."
-Stargate SG1
Jack O´Neill: "I´d like to apologize in advance for anything that I may say or do that could be construed as offensive as I slowly go NUTS."
-Stargate SG1
Daniel: "Their whole world is in flames - and we´re offering them gasoline. How does that help?"
Teal´c: "We are in fact offering water."
Jack O´Neill: "Thank you."
Daniel: "I was speaking metaphorically."
Jack O´Neill: "Well stop it. It´s not fair to Teal´c."
-Stargate SG1
Daniel: "Wait, so you´re actually saying you need someone dumber than you."
Jack: "You may have come to the right place."
Sam to General Hammand: "With you´re permission sir I´ll go."
General Hammand: "Permission granted"
Jack: "I don´t know Carter, you may not be dumb enough."
Sam: *rolls eyes* "I think I can manage."
-Stargate SG1
Jack: "You shouldn´t be walking."
Daniel: "It´s my arm."
Jack: "You were shot."
Daniel: "I know.... you shot me."
Jack: "Not the point."
-Stargate SG1
O´Neill: "What do you mean, ´disappeared´?"
Man: "I mean, like, ´poof´, Sir."
-Stargate SG1
Unknown person: "Dr. Jackson is going to die when he sees this."
O´Neill: "What? Again?"
-Stargate SG1
Urgo: "I want to live, I want to experience the universe and I want to eat pie!"
O´Neill: "Who doesn´t?"
-Stargate SG1
SG entering a village and approaching a group of villagers. One villager looks at Teal´c:
Villager: "He´s a Jaffa!"
Colonel O´Neill: "No... But he plays one on TV!"
-Stargate SG1
Jackson: "We think this Asgard kidnapped you and replaced you with a clone."
O´Neill: "How long have I been asleep?"
Carter: "Seven days."
O´Neill (proudly): "Thats a record!"
-Stargate SG1
Loki: "No, no, no, this is all wrong!"
O´Neill: "Hey! I´ll tell you what´s wrong, I just woke up, haven´t had coffee, let alone a pee in seven days! And I find out you stole and made a, mini me! Carter, I should be irked, currently, yes?"
Carter: "Yes I...I would be."
-Stargate SG1
Her´ak: "No matter what you have endured, you have never experienced the likes of what Anubis is capable of."
O´Neill (exasperated): "You ended that sentence with a preposition! Bastard."
-Stargate SG1
O´Neill: "Carter all I heard was ´matrix´ and i found those to be very confusing movies."
-Stargate SG1
O´Neill :"Well I think you might be losing what´s left of your mind...."
Daniel: "What´s that supposed to mean?"
O´Neill: "It means that on a good day, you can be a little flaky."
Daniel: "And on a good day, you can be a little ignorant and condescending."
-Stargate SG1
Daniel- "So, she attacked you?"
Jack- "She tried to seduce me."
Daniel- "You *poor* man."
-Stargate SG1, The Broca Divide
Sam- "Try to stay put sir, I think your leg is broken."
Jack- "No, my leg is DEFINETLY broken."
Stargate SG1, Solitudes
*Startled* "You're in your nightgown!"
*Surprised* "You're in my HOUSE!"
-The Phoenix Requiem by Sarah Ellerton (online graphic novel)
*Captain Carter has been kidnapped/sold to a mongol. The boys and local chieftan are discussing her rescue.*
Chieftan:"In the morning, I will go down to Turgan and offer trade. He cannot refuse."
Teal'c: "What will happen to Dr. Carter tonight if we wait?"
Chieftan: "Turgan will partake in his newest acquisition."
*Pause*
Jack: "Oh, there is not a chance in hell."
-Stargate SG-1, Emancipication
