Unless life also hands you water and sugar, your lemonade's gonna suck.

I smile because you've finally driven me insane!

Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.

I have CDO, it's like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be.

The ONLY thing we have to fear is FEAR ITSELF...and spiders.

I stopped fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now.

I talk in movie quotes.

3 out of 2 people are bad at fractions.

Anyone can get hit by a moving car. It takes skill to get hit by a parked car.

I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous.

Can we go back to kindergarten when drama was getting your crayons stolen, cutting was stealing a spot in line, and getting high was on the swings?