We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them
worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better.

I'd really like for them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade
ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would.
I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty
by being cheated.

I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.

And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.

It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old
dog put to sleep.

I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.
I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And
it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room, but
when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I
hope you let him.

When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag
along, I hope you'll let him/her.

I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you
live in a town where you can do it safely.

On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your
driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone
as uncool as your Mom.

If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one
instead of buying one.

I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.

When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract
in your head.

I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a
boy\girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory
soap tastes like.

May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and
stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.

I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it. And if a
friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your
friend.

I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa and
go fishing with your Uncle.

May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.

I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your
neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Hanukah/Christmas
time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.

These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and
happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.

Son: "You guys don't have to talk to me about this!"
Dad: "Yes we do."
Mom: "We don't want you to think that this is okay."
Son: "I'm not PREGNANT!"

lmao..........
it was a discussion on a girl we know who IS pregnant. My parents were taking the opportunity to drive a point home. My brother was taking an opportunity to send us into stitches.

"Just shut up and let me protect you!" ~Inuyasha

"It's improbable, it's impossible, it's against my religion." ~Miroku

"Maybe it's just the morning light, but he looks pretty cool standing there with his sword." ~Kogome

"If you're gonna reason with me come up with something reasonable!" ~Inuyasha to Shippou

"I've heard similar threats from a number of poor fools who's memories I keep alive by dancing on their tombstones." ~Inuyasha

"Now was that aimed at me?" ~Sesshomaru

"Can we lose some of the violence?" ~Inuyasha
"Sure as soon as you stop acting so weird!" ~Kogome
"You're the one acting like a lunatic!" ~Inuyasha

"Miss? who are you and why were you crawling around inside my ceiling?"
-nadesico
lmao....

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
-George Carlin

"I took my English test with a pencil- then the pencil turned into a snake and whispered all the answers to me."
"But what did you write them with?"
-English class... the teacher was trying to explain something, and I was being difficult.

"I read the book- I don't wanna read the movie!"
A kid in my english class- because the movie had subtitles...

"I always watch what I eat, but it still goes down."

"All I see in your blade is 'fear.' When you block you're 'afraid of getting hit,' when you defend someone you're 'afraid of them dying,' when you attack you're 'afraid of hurting me.' It should be when you block, 'I won't let you hit me.' When you protect someone, 'I won't let you die!' When you attack, 'I'm going to cut you!'"
-Uramura, Bleach

"This tastes like chicken."
"So what's the problem?"
"It's macaroni and cheese."
-Daniel, Carter Stargate SG-1, The First Commandment.

"Do you remember Jack?"
"Of course! He has the name of my love!"
-Conversation between Fruit Bat and I.
Hint- I am not the one who is in love with Jack.

"I've learned something. Don't be a needle in a haystack- they can burn down haystacks and sift through the wreckage. Be a needle in a pile of needles."
-Vathara, Star Wars/Kenshin fanfic, Fanfiction.net

Caitlin: "Excuse me."
Annoying Teenager: "Oh, anytime! What's your name?"
Caitlin:"Can you please move?"
Annoying Teenager:"What's the rush? We're going to get there at the same time."
Caitlin:"Do you know Karate?"
Annoying Teenager:"What?"
Caitlin:"I give free samples."


Caitlin: "I don't know why I have to go all the way to Texas to be told what's wrong with me, I could stay at Santini Air!"

Caitlin: "Yes Mom! I know I can't have a baby with a helicopter!"

String: "You get the car, I'll get her dressed."
*raised eyebrows*
String: "Figuratively."

-Airwolf, Flight #093 is Missing

Movie Director: "Now, you two are lovers, saying goodbye, there's a war, you may never see each other again, so put some emotion into that kiss!"
String: *grins*
Caitlin: "You try it and I'll bite your lip."
-Airwolf, The Truth About Holly

"How much have you had to drink this evening?"
"I haven't drunk anything, we've just come from... where'd we come from?"
Actual conversation between officer and drunk driver... lol

Unless life also hands you water and sugar, your lemonade's gonna suck.

I smile because you've finally driven me insane!

Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.

I have CDO, it's like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be.

The ONLY thing we have to fear is FEAR ITSELF...and spiders.

I stopped fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now.

I talk in movie quotes.

3 out of 2 people are bad at fractions.

Anyone can get hit by a moving car. It takes skill to get hit by a parked car.

I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous.

Can we go back to kindergarten when drama was getting your crayons stolen, cutting was stealing a spot in line, and getting high was on the swings?

"I'm so sorry if my agonizing pain is inconveniencing you."
-Shawn, Psych

" 'You can come to me if you ever need to cry,' Those words have been supporting me all along. But what am I supposed to do when you're the one who makes me cry?"
-Kodomo no Omocha

On Cheza-
"Well at least she's in the green water again. That mean's she'll last longer, right?"
"Not exactly..."
"What, did they forget to put in miracle-grow? You can't use the cheap knockoffs you know."

Gospel Truth

You're from Colorado if----

You'll eat ice cream in the winter.

When the weather report says it's going to be 55 degrees, you shave your legs and wear a skirt.

It snows 5 inches and you don't expect school to be cancelled.

You'll wear flip flops every day of the year, regardless of temperature.

You have no accent at all, but can hear other people's.
And then you make fun of them.

'Humid' is over 25%.

Your sense of direction is: Toward the mountains and Away from the mountains.

You say 'the interstate' and everybody knows which one.

You think that May is a totally normal month for a blizzard.

You grew up planning your Halloween costumes around your coat.

You know what the Continental Divide is.

You don't think Coors beer is that big a deal.

You went to Casa Bonita as a kid.

You've gone off-roading in a vehicle that was never intended for such activities.

You always know the elevation of where you are.

You wake up to a beautiful, 80 degree day and you wonder if it's going to snow tomorrow.

You don't care that some company renamed it, the Broncos still play at Mile High.

Every movie theater has military and student discounts.

Everybody wears jeans to church.

You actually know that South Park is a real place not just a show on TV.

You know what a 'trust fund hippy' is, and you know its natural habitat is Boulder

You know you're talking to a fellow Coloradoan when they call it Elitches, not Six Flags.

A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you.

Your two favorite teams are the Broncos and whoever is beating the crap out of the Raiders.

You've been to the original Chipotle near the DU campus on Evans.

When people out East tell you they have mountains in their state too, you just laugh.

You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels 'sticky' and you notice the sky is no longer blue.

I took the liberty of putting the ones that apply to me in red. You can take a girl away from her mountains, but I'm far more Coloradan than Texan.

Wicked

"Well we can't all come and go by bubble!"
-Elphaba

"I want to know why you can't just teach us history without always harping on the past!"
-Galinda

"They'll make excellent spies."
"Spies!"
"Perhaps that is an unfriendly word... how about... scouts! That's what they'll be really."
-the Wizard

"You're beautiful."
"Don't lie, I know I'm not."
"It's not lying, it's looking at things another way."
-Feyaro, Elphaba

"So you are the governor's daughter! Such a tragically beautiful child. And.... Agh!"
"I know. I'm beautifully tragic."
-Madam Morrible, Elphaba

"You should be expecting a call from your second cousin."
"Who?"
"You shared a sippy cup one time."
-family conversation

"Actually they didn't share it, he stole it."
"Then I don't like him!"
-family conversation

Have you ever thought that maybe all that bad karma isn’t from your last life time, but it’s punishment in advance for all the shady things you’ve done in this one?
-Sango, to Miroku
Fanfiction, The World through his Eyes

Advice from a sister on creepy guys.
"Just give them your dad's number instead of yours."

Vacation talk

Me: "I told her the word gullible isn't in the dictionary."
lil-sis: "It's not! I looked it up!"


Cousin, during card game: "This is going to require a LOT more cheese dip."

"You'd be so pretty if it weren't for your face!"

"Who makes a double edged pocket knife?"
"Someone who sells bandaids."
-Family conversation

"I may run and hide, but I'll never tell a lie."
-Duo Maxwell

"Duo, you don't believe in God but you believe in a god of Death?"
"Sure! I've never seen any miracles, but I've seen a lot of dead people!"
-Conversation Duo had with a nun...

"That's right Heero, remember, bring a gun to a gunfight- don't bring a knife. On second thought, bring the knife too, you may need it."
-Me, talking to a tv show...

"I will become the god of Death once again! But now, I need some sleep."
-Duo Maxwell, Gundam Wing

"If I were moving any slower, I'd have to speed up to stand still."
-A guy at the dorms. Just think about it for a while.

"It was once said that a black man would become president when pigs flew. Well behold, 100 days into his presidency, swine flu."
-forward

"No, no, I fully expected the other shoe to drop."
"It is our hope that this will be the last footwear to fall."
-Stargate SG1
Aliens just don't get sayings...

Someday, in one of my stories, two characters will have the following conversation...
"If you were any kind of smart you'd get out of here now!"
"Ah, but you should know best, I am not any kind of smart, but rather, several kinds of stupid."

"The universe is so vast, and there is only one thing we can ever truly control."
"What's that?"
"Whether we are good, or evil."
-Oma D'Sala, Stargate SG1

"You ever hear about… alternate dimensions? Flip a coin, and in this universe it winds up heads, an' in some other it's tails, an' in others farther away you miss catching it, an' it rolls off and gets stuck under the sofa, and the minute you spend digging it out means you miss getting hit by a train?"
-Flat Tire with Bad Guys, Vathara, Fanfiction.net
AWESOME

"You're different than what they say."
"What do they say?"
"Um... they say that... you're the world's only living heart donor."
"How droll."
"They also say that you think 'morals' are wall paintings, and 'scruples' is Russian money. Then there's my favorite, it's really quite witty..."
"That's enough."
-Sabrina

"You went to my apartment?!"
"I let her in."
"We were elbow deep in your underwear drawer- it was like touching the Shroud of Turin."
-Sabrina

"You let her go alone?!"
"I told her goodbye, and I think I wished her well. I also told her that it was sort of awkward having my brother's hand-me-downs, and that you'd always treated your women well in the past, and that I was sure she would be compensated for... whatever."
*PUNCHED IN THE FACE*
"I told you! I told you! He loves her!"
-Sabrina
My favorite scene. Punched in the face. Awesome.

Quotes From History Class

"They're going to take the map of Europe...*points at map*...and that's not the map of Europe...and they're going to redraw it."

"You will not have a weapons or a military anymore."
"What?!"
"Yes."

"How much do you think you had to pay in order to be in the KKK?"
"Two pillow cases and a bed sheet?"

"I believe in the ROCK of ages, not the ROCKS of age." (Referring to the John Scopes trial)

"Germany and promise. Two words that NEVER go together."

"Nobody in their right mind wants war, except Hitler. But he wasn't in his right mind."

These were all said by my teacher and/or classmates.

"You monkey worshipers are going to have to give up your other religion of global warming because if Darwinism is true, then we will adapt to the changing global conditions... right?"
- statesman.com/opinion posted april 1st editorial 'Put Tx edu. board under a microscope.'

"You'd think a race smart enough to build space ships would be smart enough to install seatbelts."
-Stargate, Jackson

"If there's anything more important than my ego around here I want it caught and shot now."

"have you discovered something dr. jackson?"
"Oh, I hope not. Probably though."
-stargate

"Wait here."
"Yes, you go down the dark hallway alone and I'll wait in the dark room alone."
-stargate sg1, daniel

"The enemy is the guy that's going to get you killed no matter which side he's on."
-Jones Keller (?)

"If you don't tell me what's going on, I'm going to shoot you right in the elbow."
-Bobby Hobbes, The Invisible Man (TV)
ouch

"Revolving doors of DOOM!"
-dART

"The Revolution will not be televised. You will not be able to plug in, turn on and cop out.
The Revolution will not be brought to you by Xerox.
The Revolution will not make you look five pounds thinner.
NBC will not be able to predict the winner.
There will be no highlights on the 11'0 clock news.
The theme song will not be written by Jim Webb.
The Revolution will not be right back after a message.
The Revolution will not go better with Coke.
The Revolution will put you in the driver's seat.
The Revolution will be no rerun, brothers.
The Revolution will be live."
-probably from somewhere else, but i saw it first on fanfiction.

"You're sleeping on the couch tonight!"
"...We don't live together."
"I don't care if I have to break into your house and drag you out of bed- you're sleeping on the couch!"
-whitedog1 on deviantART

"I was awake when the sun was just a dream of the night."
-me

"This sudden lack of intestinal fortitude ill-suits you."
-Mareg, Grandia 2 (classic... translation- dude, what happened to your guts?)

"You can do whatever you want. Er, anything good anyway. Plant a tree, kiss a baby, whatever."
-Ryudo, Grandia 2

"I'm hoping to get out early."
"What a coincidence, I am too!"
-My biology teacher and a student.

"We've added men, does that mean we've all gone to hell?"
-My music appreciation teacher.

"Memori morti- as I am now, so too will you be."

"Sign the waver forms. Your death is nobody's fault but your own."
-Honors leader

"The day you're too old to make faces in the mirror, the mirror wins."
-Me... with apologies if anyone said it first.

"I shall inquire about hot water."
"Oh, thank you."
"And then I shall drown you in it."
-Outlaws of Sherwood, by Robin McKinley

"Need I remind you Dr. Jackson of the dangers we're up against?"
"Oh, please... go slow."
-Stargate SG1
Completely epic! Of course Daniel knows the dangers! He's on the freaking front line!

"So, I didn't kill three people, I saved one."
"Right! That's it, we're going to look at the positive!"
"Glass half-full... but it's half-full with blood."
-Fawkes, the Keeper, The Invisible Man (TV)
And now I know how the glass half full can be pessimistic.

When you've been in the Stargate program a while, you start thinking about Fate.

Can't help it, really. After you've died a couple times, "Why are we here?" takes on whole new meaning.

So, if you're a somewhat introspective type like me - hey, I've got a telescope on my roof, I know about introspective - well, you start to look around. You start noticing that a lot of people go through pretty regular lives. No big ups, no big downs, just kind of ordinary. Fate pats 'em on the head, or maybe socks 'em in the jaw, and moves on.

'Course, you also start noticing that some people only meet Fate once - and it's fatal. Car wreck. Maniac with a sniper rifle. One bolt falling out and derailing a train. Bam. Case closed.

Maybe they're the lucky ones. Fate doesn't have it in for them. Like they say, nothing personal, just business.

Daniel would argue with that. Daniel would argue that being alive is lucky, no matter what snarky tricks Fate pulls out of a hat. Daniel would probably keep arguing while Fate tied him to a railroad track with barbed wire and a red silk bow on top.

Which is probably why he's still alive, come to think.

...No, I take that back. I try to be honest. With myself, anyway. And honestly, I have no clue why Daniel's still breathing.

Though lord, have I ever seen the result.

'Cause you see, there's really three types of people out there. You've got your ordinary Fate types, your one-touch-of-Fate-and-die types...

And then you've got the people Fate follows around like a manic wrecking ball, smashing the living daylights out of anybody who doesn't run like blazes the minute they get that little quiver down the spine that says time's up.

Oh yeah, we say it's training. We say it's instinct. Finely honed warrior reflexes giving warning at the very last minute.

Bull. It's that little twitch of hairs at the base of your neck, hairs that are tied right into the ears. All the better to hear Fate giggling at you.

Clue time. Fate giggling is bad.

And Fate giggles a lot around Daniel.

-Vathara, Veritas

I love this allusion to fate.

"That's freedom, the right to shut up and do as you're told. You don't like it? Move to Russia."
-Hobbes, The Invisible Man (TV)
Yes... move to Russia... where you still must shut up and do as you're told...?

The nice thing about banging your head against a wall is, it feels so good when you stop.
-Vathara, Fanfiction

Last I heard, the cavalry didn't come over the hill anymore. That's how it is in the Agency. In the world in general. Every man for himself and devil take the hindmost, and all that. When the chips are down, you're on your own.

Looks like somebody forgot to tell these guys.

"Are you ready O'Neill?"
"No. Give me a warning!"
"I am going to shoot you."
"Not what I meant."
-Teal'c, Jack, Stargate

"How dare you come into my house waving a gun!"
"Not waving. Pointing. Sit Down."
-Stargate, Chain Reaction
EPIC

"Why do the FBI always stick their morgues in the most depressing basement they can find?" ~Bones

"I'm awake. I'm just not interested."
- what i wish i could say to that annoying paranoid conspiracy radical who calls himself a teacher

"Did someone forget to tell you that you should never bring a knife to a gunfight?"
"Must have been the same idiot that forgot to tell you to never mess with me!"

school

"It's January 20th! I'm not supposed to think! I'm not supposed to think until February!"

"The average college student takes 5 1/2 years to graduate- be below average."

"Why do we have the arts?"
"For people who can't do math?"

All of these were said (at least in part) by one of my professors.

"I feel gross."
"You sorta look it too."
-Kayla, Pan
(Boys, NEVER agree with a girl when she says something like this.)

Tucker Foley: [after Danny has phased a car through a building] Oh sure, phase the car through the building. You just had to save the day, didn't you?
Danny Fenton: Well yeah! Because a car crashing through the twenty-eighth floor of anything is BAD!

Danny Fenton: [Sam taps at his window] Sam! You snuck out to see me! Oh, this is just like Romeo and Juliet, except I'm the one on the balcony and I can understand everything we're saying.

Jazz Fenton: Wow! Isn't this great? We just caught three ghosts tonight! Danny Fenton: No, actually, you've just caught one ghost, three times, all of them me!

I do learn! 24/7, 8 hours a week!
-My little brother
LOLZ!!!!!

"If by shallow, you mean I could stand in a puddle of you and not get my feet wet... yeah."
-Sam, Danny Phantom